missing someone dearest

i am still not totally released from the pain of losing someone i love so much. My mom. the pain is still unbearable, always like the first time. time and time again, i feel like dying and giving up. the loneliness is just so immense and nostalgia is so unfathomable, making me so weak and vulnerable. i have no one but God. no, i have my apple and red. and they both love me so much. i have manoy, ate loida, ate leah, ate bem and joan. i have papa. but i still feel so incredibly empty. nobody could ever replace mama's special place in my heart. i am missing mama every now and then.missed her comforting words telling me how things would just fal into their places. i missed her touch of assurance giving me hope that tomorrow will be a new day with the same radiant sun awating to shine on me. mama's presence had a magical effect that brings about healing and comfort . now, her absence is piercing me deep down inside.

i promised to rely only in God. I did and I still do! If it wasn't for God, i wouldn't be here today, surviving. loneliness is such an unattractive word that is undefinable. but the heart who has it can absolutely define it. it is what you feel when you long for someone you know you'll never ever see anymore.

my tears uncontrollably trickle down my cheeks and have blurred my vision..

so sadddddddddddd...and crying!!!

the birth of a flower

she is one of those
born on the 10th day of May
a young lady, a lonely rose
who finally went her way
to reaching the path she chose
she blossomed one day
as a beautiful lady, off she goes
and off she will stay

wildflower

skylark

She's faced the hardest times,
You could imagine
And many times,
Her eyes fought back the tears
And when her youthful world,
Was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders,
Bore the weight of all her fears
And a sorrow no one hears
Still rings in midnight silence
In her ears

Let her cry,
For she's a lady
Let her dream
For she's a child
Let the rain,
Fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower
Growing wild

And if by chance,
I should hold her
Let me hold her for a time
But if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden,
To be mine

Ummmm....................
Be careful how you touch her,
For she'll awaken
And sleep's the only freedom,
That she knows
And when you walk into her eyes,
You won't believe
The way she's always payin'
For a debt she never owes
And a silent wind still blows
That only she can hear
And so, she goes

Let her cry,
For she's a lady
Let her dream,
For she's a child
Let the rain
Fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower
Growing wild

Let her cry,
For she's a lady
Let her dream,
For she's a child
Let the rain
Fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower
Growing wild

She's a flower
Growing wild

She's free.......

wait to wither or wither in waiting?

love is a journey and i consider myself traversing through this emotional adventure. it starts from a certain loading station and goes straight to its destination. however, unless it is a non-stop trip, we wouldn't experience stops in between stations. but love is not like that. from one point to another, we experience different feelings of either comfort or discomfort, of uneasines, convenience or inconvenience along the way. we may be with people whom we don't like, other people tend to irritate us or would keep our blood to the boiling point or sometimes we even encounter those who are cold as ice or deader than zombies. we would want to evade and skip that trip or would prefer to go to the next level but whoa, we won't be able to step to the next phase unless we have passed through these atrocities and learned a great deal of lesson from this experience.

this journey sometimes keep us off balance, and off our chairs. sometimes this would numb our senses because of the length of time spent in the waiting but take note that no matter how we feel and what we have gone through we will always arrive at the desired destination so long as we always keep on the right track. and, if we don't, the waiting would be all futile and then we go back to the same adventure of searching and looking for the right love.

we are all in the same trip, but arriving at our destination depends on how we deal with the situations we encounter along the journey. remember, there may be rocky roads, steep cliffs that may entice us to swerve to the safest and easiest road, or plains that may bore us away and take love for granted. there may also be ups and downs and challenging or super exasperating experience that take our breaths away, but we must be mindful that love is not at all just like that...it's all in a package...all the good and the bad things are wrapped in there. thus we need to take care of it because it is so fragile. we might break it.

the waiting may take a long time but as soon as we get there, so long as we took care of it the right way, we will always see that love is still love regardless of time, space and situations. the question is either we wait to wither or wither in waiting for love?

the wilting heart

her strength was tried;
courage tested;
faith marred;
hopes vanished;
deprived of joy;
her thoughts were distorted;
principles questioned;
deeds doubted;
freedom was taken away from her...