missing someone dearest

i am still not totally released from the pain of losing someone i love so much. My mom. the pain is still unbearable, always like the first time. time and time again, i feel like dying and giving up. the loneliness is just so immense and nostalgia is so unfathomable, making me so weak and vulnerable. i have no one but God. no, i have my apple and red. and they both love me so much. i have manoy, ate loida, ate leah, ate bem and joan. i have papa. but i still feel so incredibly empty. nobody could ever replace mama's special place in my heart. i am missing mama every now and then.missed her comforting words telling me how things would just fal into their places. i missed her touch of assurance giving me hope that tomorrow will be a new day with the same radiant sun awating to shine on me. mama's presence had a magical effect that brings about healing and comfort . now, her absence is piercing me deep down inside.

i promised to rely only in God. I did and I still do! If it wasn't for God, i wouldn't be here today, surviving. loneliness is such an unattractive word that is undefinable. but the heart who has it can absolutely define it. it is what you feel when you long for someone you know you'll never ever see anymore.

my tears uncontrollably trickle down my cheeks and have blurred my vision..

so sadddddddddddd...and crying!!!